Breakups are bad enough, but looking back and realizing just how trash your ex was? Even worse. If you’ve ever wondered why they were so emotionally unavailable, messy, or just straight-up exhausting, astrology might have the answers. Let’s get into it—a full roast session based on your ex’s zodiac sign.
Reason they sucked: Everything was a competition, even who loved who less.
Aries exes come in hot, making you feel like the most exciting person alive—until their attention span runs out. They get bored easily, pick fights for sport, and somehow make everything your fault. If they cheated, they’ll probably say, “I didn’t plan to, it just happened.” Yeah, okay.
Reason they sucked: Trying to get them to compromise was like talking to a brick wall.
Taurus exes are loyal—sometimes to a fault. They’d rather stay in a dead-end relationship than admit they were wrong about you being “The One.” If they were lazy in the relationship, it wasn’t their fault—according to them, you just needed to “appreciate them for who they are.”
Reason they sucked: Said one thing, did another, and left you questioning reality.
Your Gemini ex was charming, fun, and full of personality—until you realized you were dating both of them. One day, they’re obsessed with you; the next, they’ve ghosted for a week. Trying to get a straight answer out of them was impossible because they probably didn’t even know what they wanted. (Spoiler: It wasn’t a relationship.)
Reason they sucked: Either too clingy or emotionally manipulative—no in-between.
Your Cancer ex started off as the sweetest, most loving person… then turned into an emotional hurricane. Either they smothered you with way too much love or made you feel guilty for literally everything. You forgot to text them back? They sulked for three days. Looked too happy without them? Clearly, you never loved them.
Reason they sucked: The relationship was just another stage for their performance.
Leo exes love being adored—so much so that the entire relationship revolved around them. Every date night had to be their idea, and if they did something nice for you, best believe you’d be hearing about it forever. If they dumped you, it was only because they needed a fresh audience.
Reason they sucked: Thought they were helping, but just made you feel like crap.
Virgo exes mean well, but damn—was anything ever good enough for them? Their version of love was giving you “helpful” suggestions on how to be a better person. (Translation: picking you apart until you had no self-esteem left.) And if you ever pointed out their flaws? They suddenly had no idea what you were talking about.
Reason they sucked: Wanted to keep you, but also keep their options open.
Your Libra ex was charming, romantic, and a professional flirt. The problem? They never actually chose you. They avoided conflict like it was the plague, which meant they never actually committed—or broke up—they just let the relationship fade until you had to be the one to end it. (And yes, they probably kept texting you afterward, just to keep you interested.)
Reason they sucked: Everything felt like a mind game.
Dating a Scorpio is like signing up for an emotional rollercoaster with no seatbelt. They’re intense, jealous, and act like they’re in a constant spy thriller. You never knew what they were thinking because they loved being mysterious. And if they broke your heart? Oh, they definitely still check your social media just to make sure you haven’t moved on.
Reason they sucked: Made you feel like an adventure buddy instead of a partner.
Your Sagittarius ex was fun—until you realized they weren’t taking you seriously. They love their freedom way more than they love consistency. If you ever brought up the future, they either changed the subject or suddenly had an urgent need to go on a solo trip across the world.
Reason they sucked: Treated the relationship like a business deal.
Your Capricorn ex probably scheduled dates like work meetings and only showed affection when it was convenient for them. They weren’t necessarily bad, just emotionally unavailable and way too focused on their goals. If you ever complained about feeling neglected, they probably said, “I thought you liked stability?”
Reason they sucked: Never let you in, no matter how hard you tried.
Your Aquarius ex was brilliant, fun, and a great conversationalist—until it came to feelings. They kept you at a distance and made you feel like you were the problem for wanting emotional intimacy. If they ever opened up to you, congratulations, you probably broke through the hardest shell in the zodiac… but it still wasn’t enough to keep them.
Reason they sucked: Loved the idea of you more than the actual relationship.
Your Pisces ex was dreamy, poetic, and sensitive—but also completely unreliable. They were either too wrapped up in their fantasy world or playing the victim constantly. If they ever cheated, they’d cry and say, “I was just so lost in my emotions.” Please.
At the end of the day, every ex sucks for different reasons, but at least now you have astrology as an excuse. So which sign did you waste your time on? Spill the tea in the comments!
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